Entertaining Platt: Star Wars Kinect

April 25, 2012 § Leave a comment

Her milkshake brings all the Hutts to the yard.

Ever since the summer of 1977, I’ve wanted to have something better than a stick and me going “VRRRUUNNNNN!” to pretend I’m a Jedi with a lightsaber.

Well, Catherine got me a great birthday present last year: A crimson lightsaber that glows and makes its own “VRRRUUNNNNN!” noises.

But even the sticks I used to fight against my brother in imaginary battles more than thirty years ago would be a better option than Star Wars Kinect.

I had high hopes for this game, but the parts that I thought I would enjoy the most – Rancor and Jedi adventures – are actually awkward and clunky and about as entertaining as really bad karaoke without heavy drinking to dull the senses. The aspect that I didn’t expect to enjoy at all turned out to be my favorite of the bunch: Podracing. But I have no idea what to make of the crazy dance numbers with Han and Leia. I appreciate that the “narrative,” such as it is, portrays these as glitched archive material, but I think I would’ve rather had Threepio report that these discs were bricked and couldn’t be shown at this time. It’s as if Lucas sat in his office and said, “Hey, it’s not enough that we inflicted Jar-Jar on people or turned a menacing icon like Darth Vader into a staggering, whiny baby in a shiny football helmet. It’s not enough we made Greedo shoot first. Let’s make Han do the Shuffle.”

Give it a pass unless you want those Star Wars dreams crushed again.


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