Entertaining Platt: Prometheus (2012)

June 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice xenomorph.

So, here’s the problem with Prometheus: It’s an empty epic.

It seems to want to ask big questions while splashing generous helpings of special effects and gore across the screen, but when the credits rolled, I didn’t feel like many questions had been answered.

Instead, one just kept repeating itself in my mind: What the hell was that?

I felt like the movie had so much promise during the slow boil of the first hour, but once we were on the planet and chaos started breaking out, it was just one crazy illogical moment after another.

  • Whose big idea was it to bring along the idiot cousin who’s apparently only trained to point and wave at strange alien lifeforms?
  • Did the Prometheus really not come equipped with a back door security camera so they could check out a hyperstrong zombie stopping in for supper?
  • Weyland’s top-of-the-line androids were ALWAYS a cross between HAL 9000 and Hannibal Lecter? No improvements? They didn’t get smaller like modern computers and turn into Peter Dinklage?
  • Really, the only solution the three pilots could come up with was launching an escape pod to the ground and then ramming a big alien spacecraft? Weyland can afford androids and auto-surgery suites, but they can’t scrimp a few pennies together to buy so much as a slingshot for defense? And what the hell was with the hands-in-the-air rollercoaster pose right before the crash?

The movie’s full of interesting moments, vivid visuals, and some visceral incidents that had me cringing in my seat. But when all was said and done, I felt like it hadn’t accomplished anything except unveil a few explanations and echo some things that happened in the original Alien movie (including not just one but TWO severed heads reacting/doing things).

It’s a really pretty disappointment.

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